Violet Rain

I was recording a song for the August youtube upload.
Actually, this August I plan to upload 2 songs.

It's hard to choose.
The same day, but 2 vastly different events; 2 conflicting emotions.
Which should I choose?

But this year, being SG50, and a memorial for Mr. Lee Kuan Yew,
I finally decide to do a video to commemorate National Day.

Yet I can't forget the day you left us.

It's been 6 years.

I lose count of the years since you left,
but now, thinking back and counting back,
I remember.

You left the year I reached adulthood.
I remember thinking that if this is how adulthood was like, I wished I never reached that age.

But it came.
And with it came a storm.
A storm so strong it shook my beliefs, my being.
That day, I turned against the world and I lost my way.

6 years.

I look back to Violet Rain, S' song for you.
Back to our thoughts, our feelings, our grief.
His lyrics were raw emotions, his true feelings at that point of time.

He was a year older than I am now.
But we both wished the same thing, didn't we?
We both wished the same thing.

Why you?
Why not me?

To the 2 of us,
who each wished to erase our existence,
till now, I cannot find the answer.

Truth be told,
I honestly rather it be me, than either of you.

Our paths were thorny,
full of pain, bitterness and hurt.

But life works in funny ways.
Those who wish never to have been born,
those who wish we were dead still live,
while those fighting to live die.

4 years ago,
S found it in him to move on.
From his dream, your dream, and to pursue a new dream.

A man must always have dreams, and goals, right?

2 years ago,
I found it in me to finally let you go.
4 years.
It took me 4 years to move on.
Even now, sometimes I wonder if I've really moved on.

Somehow,
slowly but surely,
we both found the happiness we'd been searching for.

2 broken halves, each finding the other to make us whole again.
Finding our chance at happiness.

Perhaps that, was the reason why we were made to carry on living.

Sometimes I wonder,
where would we be if circumstances were different?
Would we still be living in pain?
Wishing every day we were dead,
Would we really have ended our lives,
or would we have found the strength to move on?

Things like these, no one will ever have the answers.

The 2 of us, we avoid talking about you.
I guess our grief is personal still.












Thank you for watching over us.

Rest in peace.