Days

There are days I get scared,
I get insecure,
I fear the future.
And it makes me want to run away,
to end it all.

But, that's silly, isn't it?
To end something on unfounded fears.

1 year 11 months.
It feels like we have gone nowhere from when we first started.
It feels like he's so far away.
It feels like I can't reach him while so many others can.
It feels like I'm not good enough.
It feels like someday, somebody will snatch him away.

Whether I'm in a relationship or not,
this sense of insecurity still lingers.
Like one day, it will all end. Badly.
Like I'll get betrayed.

Do I not trust him enough?
Do I not love him enough?
Do I not believe in us enough?

The problem isn't him. It's me.
It's always been.

It doesn't help that last night I dreamt that he was engaged. To someone else.
That he proposed to someone else.

I get scared.
After all, we're 5000km away.
Connected only by a phone application.
Who's to say nothing bad will happen?

Maybe I don't trust him enough.
But I think it's me that I don't trust.
I don't believe in myself.
I don't believe in what he sees in me.
I don't believe that he will like someone like me.
And I guess, until the day I can accept that,
maybe I'll always fear that one day he'll leave me.

HEART

After almost a year of procrastination, the song is finally done!

Not a bad attempt at rearranging it, if I say so myself.

Pray for Paris

The world's in shock, and grief, and anger over the attack on Paris.
I, for one, certainly am.

6 spots, simultaneously.
What angered me the most was that they planned that day and time, knowing full well there would be a match and a concert, and they went ahead and did such a despicable thing.

Despicable does not cut it.
I can't find a word that expresses exactly how I feel.

An act of Islam they say.
Your fucking ass.

Islam, nor Christianity, nor any other religion I know will demand of such a thing of their followers.
Do not use religion to justify your disgusting, dastardly actions.

So many lives lost...
Meaninglessly...
Innocently....

There is no justification to this.
It's an inhumane act, despised by God and man.

What is equally maddening, and sad,
is that so many people are playing the hypocrite game.

You talk about the Paris attacks, but you don't mention the Russian plane.
You don't mention Lebanon, or Beirut. You're such a hypocrite.

Seriously.
Now is not the time to be pointing fingers and calling names at people who actually do feel sad and enraged at the same time.
All that talk of #standasone #standagainstterrorism #standforhumanity #prayforworldpeace, and people do such things.
How about "hypocrite much" back at you?
We're all standing together, be it because of Lebanon or Beirut, or Paris, or UK or US, we stand together grieving the lost of innocent lives being taken away in such a gruesome manner.

Some people care more about a certain country and city more than others because of a certain reason.
That does not mean they don't care about others.
And just because they don't say anything about other countries/cities, does not mean they don't care.

Not everybody takes to social media to announce that they care.
So how about shoving that moral highorse attitude up the ass?

Such behavior in a time of international mourning is uncalled for.

Minami-Izu

S is on a Minami-Izu trip with his parents, and I'm major jealous.

Beautiful place, beautiful scenery...

Actually, I'm not jealous in the least lol.
Not kidding.
Precious, lone time spent with his parents.
How much more wonderful can he get?

If you asked me to go on a trip with my parents, imaginary ailments will befall me and I'll become the best person in the world at finding excuses to not go along with them.
They will spoil the entire trip for me, ugh.

I'd bring my grandaunt and granduncle along though,
in a heartbeat.

His dad hasn't been in good condition these days, and he had to get special permission from the doctor  to travel to the capital to visit their daughter-in-law and granddaughter,

S had to make last-minute requests about a change in setlist to the band members as well as for additional tickets for his parents.

It is quite worrying though, Papa Fujimoto's health...

S said this might be the last time his parents hear him sing on stage (noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo).

Please stay healthy and live long!