サヨウナラ

俺のことは忘れて下さいね。
Please forget about me.

These words scare the crap out of me.
I already know that this relationship isn't very healthy,
Cos I give up a lot,
I sacrifice a lot.

I gave up my dreams,
I was willing to compromise just so that he stays happy,
I'd choose to suffer than let him suffer.

Now I'm not sure though,
Just how long this can continue.

But I can't let go.
Not when he needs emotional support.
I promised I'd always be there when he needs someone,
I can't pack up and leave now.

He's thought of suicide before.
I'm afraid he'd go that way again.
I can't let that happen.

So I'll choose to stay,
I'll choose to suffer than let him.
Even if I have to let new loves go,
I'll stay as his pillar of support.

It's not healthy,
But I will choose this path because I cannot let anything happen to him.
Even if feelings change,
He'll always be precious to me.

Post-CELTA

Guys who are filial enough to spend time with their parents are really sexy, don't you think?
And very passionate about their work too.

Major turn-on.

I'm almost done with my course.
Did a great job on my last teaching,
both my tutor and A were really proud of me, especially since clarification lessons are the hardest.
And I got a good grade.

On the verge of losing friends and my boyfriend (if I've not lost him already. I've cut off contact with him for 7 weeks, it feels too late to restart communication),
Already suffering withdrawal symptoms,
Found new friends and comrades,
Met lovely, eager-to-learn students,
Found a new love, who just like S, is both passionate about his work and filial to his parents.

I know he doesn't see me in the same way but it's OK.
I'm happy being in the same place he is,
watching him work,
having him "dump" students on me.

I'm not sure how I'll get back to normal life.
I'm not even sure if I want to.