わくせいはくせい、もくせいもくせい

Such lame puns...

Somehow I read them again,
those puns you wrote.

And it brought back memories.
And I cried.

Promising to always keep your birthday and death anniversary for you,
yet this year I completely forgot your birthday.

I remember,
you told me these puns to make me laugh,
though most of the time I either didn't understand or rolled my eyes,
this time I smiled.

I could smile,
even though those memories hurt.
It's funny how something so beautiful,
so precious,
can hurt like hell.

But this is what you would have wanted right?
For us to continue smiling and looking ahead to the future.

But still,
even now,
I think that life was unfair to you.
Even now,
I wish I could take your place.

Even now,
I still say selfish things like "I want you back",
even now,
I still miss you.

Song for Japan

(Still my favorite photo, by the way!! Somebody buy me a DSLR already!! LOL)

I'll be honest.

I don't know what to write about,
what to sing about.

I don't know what to say,
how to bring my feelings across.

Because,
whatever I say or write,
to me,
it still feels hypocritical.

Because I will never understand your pain.
I will never understand the depth of your suffering.

It's so easy to say words like,
『頑張って！』,
or "Be strong!",
or "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger".

But words are cheap aren't they?
And sometimes,
using words to describe our feelings just cheapen the deep feelings that we have.

That's why I can't even put words down into a song.
I feel like I'm making everything cheap.

Maybe sometime later on,
when I can gather up my courage to put my feelings into words,
when I can gather up the courage to write encouragement into a song without making it sound like a farce,
maybe sometime later,
when it happens,
then I'll write a song for Japan.
For her victims and survivors.

Or maybe,
by that time,
a song would be redundant already.

GAMBATTE! JAPAN from Singapore

Thank you to everyone who appeared.
(Oh wait, that includes me!! Thank you to "me"!! Lol)

BluJaz was packed full of people,
and I cannot tell you how much gratitude I personally have for everyone who came.

Japan means so much to me,
and to everyone who went to support the fund-raiser.
Despite our difference in nationality,
I could feel the strong bond that bonded every single person in BluJaz together.

Singaporean,
Japanese,
Australian,
whatever nationality,
it didn't matter anymore.

We were brothers and sisters.
United in the cause of our desire to help Japan.

As Aya said,
"It's a miraculous night".
Indeed it is.

Every musician who played tonight,
showed their heart,
and their support,
hoping to transmit their feelings, thoughts, support and encouragement over to the people who were hanging on in Japan.

I hope our feelings came through.

Our sweat,
our voices,
our music,
our tears.

Yes, tears.
I was talking to Darren about Japan,
and I was telling him about the CNN report (please read my wordpress blog),
and I cried again.
Haven't been able to stop crying for Japan ever since Sunday.
It's terrible.
How did my tears flow so easily?

Darren's such a sweet guy,
with such a huge heart for Japan.
Seriously, Maho is a really lucky woman to have Darren.
And she has so much compassion for her country too.
She was one of the main organizers for this fund-raiser.
They're such wonderful people.

Thank you everyone once again.
I cannot thank everyone enough,
cos I'm gonna cry again.

Charity support for Japan

Some fund-raising campaigns for Japan to take note of.

Maho, Aya, Darren and their Japanese friends living in Singapore are organizing a charity to garner support for the people in Japan.
It's called "GAMBATTE! JAPAN from Singapore".

Details can be found here.
All the money will be given to Mercy Relief.

Also, all (and that means 100%) the money from CDs and other items sold there will be donated to Mercy Relief.

Please go down to Blujaz tomorrow night and show your support to Japan.

Also
there is a "SHOW YOUR HEART" fund-raising campaign in Japan for the victims.
A lot of artists in Japan have joined in this campaign.

For information on how to donate, please go here.
Unfortunately, the website is all in Japanese.

Please take note that there have been malignant chain-mails claiming to be from "SHOW YOUR HEART".
This is a fraud, and does not in any way solicit with "SHOW YOUR HEART" fund.
Please check carefully before donating.
(Such actions irks me. How can people be so heartless as to make use of the people suffering to swindle some extra pocket money!? Karma will befall you, and I hope it hits you HARD)

Y is also auctioning off his signature KAWAI crystal grand to aid in the fund-raising of the Japanese people.
I really love that piano,
but I know my parents won't and can't fork out millions of dollars for it.
So if anyone wants to buy it for me as a gift,
please do so.
The people in Japan will be immensely grateful,
and so will I =P

Ok, so I was kidding in the paragraph above.
No, I mean the auctioning is for real, but the donation of the piano to me is completely optional of course.

On a serious note,
I know there are a lot more fund-raising campaigns around the world for the Japan quake and tsunami,
but there are also fake charities going around,
so I advise everyone to be wary and check before giving your money.

Whichever aid relief organization you give to,
the citizens of Japan and I thank you heartily for your donation, no matter how small.
Every small bit goes a long way,
together we can make a difference to the lives of the people suffering in Japan.

Thank you.

Pray for Japan

Perhaps I don't have the right to say anything,
perhaps I don't have the right to be sad for Japan,
perhaps I don't have the right to even want to help Japan.

After all, Singapore is so sheltered from every natural disaster possible,
to say "I feel your pain" would be nothing short of a lie,
of hypocrisy.

But I'm so sad.
Till my tears won't stop falling.
Perhaps I don't even have the right to cry for those who are suffering,
but I can't seem to stop them.

And I don't know if prayers will work,
because my thoughts are so clouded,
and I hear those 2 familiar voices in my head telling me what to do,
contradicting each other so much I wish I could cover my ears to shut them up,
but they just won't and can't shut up no matter what I do.

I don't even know if my prayers will seem shallow,
but they probably will,
since I've never been through such calamity I can't feel that same anguish so many people in Japan are experiencing right now.

It's really unfair.
To not be able to help.
To not be able to understand.

I feel like a bystander,
looking at everything through a window,
unable to reach my hand out and help.

Perhaps, I'm not even allowed the rights to have such thoughts to help either...

But I'll still pray.
Even though sentences can't seem to form,
even though I don't know what I'm saying,
even though I can't seem to gather my thoughts.

My prayers will have to come in the form of words typed out.
Because this is the only way I can rearrange the puzzle and lessen the fog in my head.
Because this is the only way I can shut those 2 voices up for a while.

I pray,
for the people suffering in Japan.
I'll never be able to fully understand,
or even comprehend the situation they are in now.
I may not be the right person to offer any words of comfort or encouragement cos it may seem jarring to those hearing it,
but I pray that help reaches those in need a.s.a.p.
Hygiene level in disaster hit areas are dropping rapidly,
and there aren't enough clean diapers for babies in those affected areas.
And lack of fuel prevents trucks carrying help from reaching these people in such desperate needs.

I pray,
for those who family members and friends are still missing.
Even as the clock ticks,
hope slowly diminishes.
But please,
somehow,
through some miracle,
any miracle,
let those missing people be found alive.
I can't imagine the anguish of finding out that your family member died in the earthquake or got washed away by the tsunami.
I can't imagine the growing anxiety as each day passes yet news of loved ones doesn't reach your ears.

I pray,
for the nuclear disaster in Fukushima.
Please,
don't let a nuclear meltdown occur.
Please,
let everything remain safe.
Please,
don't allow any nuclear radiation to escape.
Even as Japan faces an energy shortage crisis right now,
please let power supply be restored soon.

Everytime I think about the sad fate of Minamisanriku,
I can't help but cry.
I can't help but imagine the terrifying moment the tsunami came and engulfed them.
The huge wall of water lunging towards them,
realizing that they needed to get to higher ground,
their desperate scramble against the tide of time and water that came crashing towards them.
Many didn't survive,
so many were washed away.
Who can fully comprehend that few seconds,
that few minutes when Nature came and destroyed everything and everyone in its path?

It's really just too sad.
The people,
the town,
the before and after,
the ruins.

I pray,
for everyone who lost their loved ones in this disaster.
You probably might find this prayer really shallow and hypocritical,
coming from someone who has been sheltered from such disasters all her life.
Perhaps, any form of encouraging words may already sound jarring to your ears,
but in any case,
I pray that you will find the strength to carry on living,
find the strength to be strong.
it's difficult,
but do-able.





Thankfully, G told me that my care and concern isn't hypocrisy.
Whatever way we can help,
we should help.
Because at this point,
every smallest action,
to those who are in need,
is a very big action.

No matter how sad we are,
we need to stay strong.
Because the Japanese people who are suffering,
who are worrying about their missing loved ones,
need our encouragement and strength to keep them going.
So I won't cry.
I'll try not to.
Because Japan needs us.