National Day

1 year.

It's been exactly a year, on this dreaded day.
It's so fast isn't it?

I'm writing again, I promised you I would.

You know,
It's been 1 year.

I've moved on,
We've all moved on.

Are you happy to see us move on?

But looking back at the year that passed,
I get scared.

Because it seems like I'm slowly forgetting you.
I can't hear your voice, I can't see you.
I can't feel you.

Tell me, what must I do,
so that I can hear your voice again,
so that I can feel you by my side again.

I don't want to forget.
But maybe I'm not forgetting,
I'm just hiding it, locking it up.

You say I can face today with a smile.
But can I really do so?

3 weeks.
I've isolated myself from my best friends for 3 weeks.
As much as possible, I tried to hurt myself,
punish myself for forgetting you.

It's really stupid,
but I don't want to be happy at the expense of forgetting someone who meant so much to me.

I hate it when the whole country is celebrating.
I'm really bitter aren't I? (苦笑)
To wish for something to happen on this day that this country will never celebrate National Day again.

I'm just directing everything at,
putting all the blame on National Day.
But honestly, even if the country doesn't have National Day anymore,
it really won't take away the fact that you left us on this day, will it?
It won't take away the pain will it?

I don't understand myself anymore.

It'd hurt for you to see me like this, wouldn't it?
苦笑。

It's only been 6 months since I last wrote to you on your birthday.
Only 6 months, and I am already forgetting you.
I really am such a useless friend.
I'm such a pathetic excuse for a human being.

I'm sorry.
I'm crying again.
And I promised you I wouldn't cry.

I said I wouldn't cry, but at times I still cry for you.
1 year.
I really don't want to forget.
What must I do so as not to forget you?

Memories of that fateful day keeps coming back.
How I laughed and enjoyed myself, so ignorant of the fact that you were already gone,
How I cried when I found out,
How everything became dark in my world.
How I hated myself for enjoying myself 1 year back.

I promise you,
this day, and your birthday,
I will only keep it for you.