Happy Birthday

It's a month packed full of birthdays.

At least the first few days of it, lol.

2 March, 6 March, and 8 March.

Of course, I'll still celebrate your birthday.
Even though you're no longer around.

I've lost track of time,
I am unable to count the number of days since you left.

It's been some time since you left,
but somehow it still feels like yesterday when you left us suddenly.

Even now I want to cry, but I keep telling myself not to cry.
That's why now I'm worried I can't cry on the day of my recital while singing the song I wrote for you (lol).

Ever since you left, I've developed amnesia.
Lost a certain part of my memory, and maybe now slowly gaining it back.

I'm afraid,
Afraid of losing the memories we shared.
Yet, deeply ingrained in my mind is the attitude you had towards life.

Always being so positive.

All I have left of you now are those words you always said to me.
Words I always brushed aside, yet you repeated yourself countless times for my sake.

I'm sad to say it's only after you left that I started taking your words to heart.
But these words, I'll never hear your voice say them to me again.

"It's alright. Be confident!!"

Because of you, I grew so much.
Certainly when now DI is facing a crisis,
I can be positive.

I can stand strong and look towards a better future.
Most of the credit goes to you.

Certainly, God brought me through 2008 and 2009.
But it was that one incident last year that molded me.

Sure, I'm thankful for the molding.
But still, even now, if I had the choice, I'd rather not go through what I did last year.
Knowing you,
Losing you.

Even if it means I wouldn't be the person I am now.
I'd rather forgo this growth and have you back.

Am I childish to want you back?
All those things I said last year,
even now I don't regret them.
I definitely would have done anything to keep you alive,
even if it means I fade away.

無理だよね,,,

So please let me continue to hold you in my heart,
to remember you always.
Let my memories of you never fade away.

I'll continue to count your age (lol),
like when you were still around.
You're 31 this year aren't you?
Happy 31st Birthday, my dear friend.

May you bloom like beautiful roses in heaven.

~~~~~~~

Thank you for spending your birthday with me.
Really felt like you were beside me,
holding my hand.

Now I understand when YOSHIKI and SUGIZO said they could feel HIDE's presence during the memorial festival.

I'm still so childish,
wanting to cling onto you.
So afraid of the day coming to an end,
Cos I was afraid you'd leave,
you'd let go of my hand.

Even though we both know you still live on in my heart.

All that you said yesterday, I won't forget.
Even the jokes.
It shall remain a joke between the 2 of us, alright? =)

Oh yes.
Thank you for playing the bass for the recording of my favorite song in your band's latest album.
Despite your failing health then,
the bass part still sounded brilliant.

As expected of you =)