Chinese New Year

So, another year has passed again.
According to the Chinese calendar this time.

This year, even though the routine was the same,
there are more babies to give red packets to.

Seriously, you darn cousins.
Why the hell must you guys get married and have babies?
Your kids make me feel old.

Disclaimer: The kid who calls me "aunt" will die.
Saying that though, my younger cousins have all started calling me "auntie",
and they start chuckling when I give them the death stare.
Omigosh, they actually think my death stare is funny.
Even my friends shut up when I give my death stare -.-
Kids nowadays...
Something must be wrong with their heads.

Back to the topic of red packets.
I think it's really sad to see how CNY has become a yearly routine that revolves around money.
And the darn goodies that tempt you and make you fat.

I don't really care about the money now,
nor the goodies.

CNY is the only time in the year I visit my grandaunt in the nursing home.
She used to be fine every year,
with the usual "I'm growing more haggard" look,
but I guess that's natural when you age, and are stuck in a wheelchair for life.

She had a stroke back when I was a kid with my age still single digit then,
and has been paralyzed in the left side of her body since then.
Even her speech is slurred cos she can't move half of her mouth.

This year her words just became exceptionally slurred,
to the point where we couldn't understand what she was saying.
And her memory became exceptionally bad too.
Like, major turn for the bad much.

And it's probably not the time to worry,
but I can't help worrying.
All these past years, I would just wheel her out to the vendetta during our annual CNY visit,
and back to her bed.
But this year, she insisted on going somewhere else.
And she could barely wheel herself either.
To the chapel, she pointed,
but then she wanted to venture to the male side of the nursing home,
which I had to do so while my dad persuaded her to go back to her room.

Maybe I'm just paranoid,
but it seems that she is taking a turn for the worse.

The red packets too...
My aunt prepared some red packets for her to give to us,
and she put it in her bag, or so she said.
But it couldn't be found in there when we checked,
so some relatives suspected that maybe the staff or someone took it.

Upon hearing us discuss where the money could have disappeared to,
she kept insisting that she willingly gave away the red packets to others.
Which is sad.

It makes me really sad.
I really don't think that CNY should be about the money.
Who cares if the red packets were stolen?
I honestly don't.
Seeing my grandaunt in such a plight is terrible.
And seeing her defend the staff...
It's the first time I ever left the nursing home with such a heavy heart.
It's actually worrying.

I don't even know how to put it in words...
This feeling...

Not that I should be worrying about this right now.
Not that I can do anything about it either.

Saying that, I shouldn't even be typing out this blog at this unearthly hour,
when I should be working on my dissertation right now.
I need to get this done and sent out by Friday,
and I have 2 more points to complete.
Gah...