With love... once again

Once again, we've reached this day.
Somehow, I never want to reach this day.

Remember how last year I was so full of sadness and pain?
I rained curses and wishes of disaster to happen upon every single person in this country so no one would be happy again.

Remember how I wrote a letter to you a month back?
Saying I still wished for it?

You reprimanded me thoroughly.
So I promise you,
I won't be so selfish or so self-centered anymore,
I won't hurt the people around me, nor exact revenge, all in hope to heal the wound in my heart a little more.

Everyone has their own choice,
and you changed mine.
Still, let me be selfish.
Let me be a little rebellious towards you.

I can't smile or be happy.
I don't dare to.
Because I'm really afraid to forget you.
As long as I move forward,
memories will fade,
no matter how much I try to stop it from happening.
And pain is the only way I can ascertain that you once lived and you aren't a part of my imagination nor my dream.

I know you'd want me to smile and celebrate together with the rest of the country,
but please let me retain this bit of selfishness to be able to remember you.
For now,
and if I could allow it,
for forever.

Please rest in peace and bloom beautifully.
Till we meet again.